Credit to Emo me Today :(

Random update 

Hey, what’s up??? Yo~~~

Ermmm, we are in the so called “study week” now. And I wanted to find some peoples to form a so called “ group study” but I can’t keep the promise of going to campus library by carrying all my items. You will know how much are a bunch of papers, 2-3 textbook, a laptop and all those gadgets weight when carry it from home to campus.

This makes me kinda depressed. OK, I not only depressed now is more than that. But at the end, I mean like who care~~~the one who depressed is me, and is none of their business.

Feel like wanna beat myself up for being so stupid and a fool. Well, I am now doing the opposite things for what I want so the road is kinda harsh. Someone out there might have the same situation but I can see through the picture that they have something that I don’t have, I guess. But I don’t know what it is.

Jesus, I just wanna say life is too harsh. I need a real long break that can make me forever no need return to reality.

Wow, now I feel that I am useless, hopeless, bad, stupid, fool~~all in all, I tired of everything.

I found that all the things that I am doing now doesn’t satisfy my soul. Sometimes I just wondering are there any possibilities that I can give up everything I have now and put all of my lifetime into the religious things? Is there? Is this even possible???

I don’t know what am I thinking.  One crazy things I wanna do now is that walk on the roadside like an insane person during the mid-nite time or 2-3 am in the morning. Come on, I just need a real proper break now in my life.

I don’t want to cause any unnecessary misunderstanding and burden that’s why I don’t know who I can find. Sometimes I just need someone to do the crazy things together with me like take a walk when it is 2-3 am in the morning or just the silent accompany is fine.  Pretending is tiring.

I mean like I just don’t want to do this exam and don’t want to face it. I am scared and afraid. But who is out there???? I know God is there. Someone to grab a hold on me…..i don’t know.

Often i ask myself a question “Who am I to you?”  Yup, who am I to you…who am I to you that I can find you on 24 hours for 7 days. You guys have your own things to do and you will just don’t have that much time on these matter so……whatever

That’s all. Cheers. Writing and crying at the same time is hard, man.